EXPOSE | Easy Is Not Best
“…conforming is one of the easiest things to do, and more often than not, the easiest thing to do may not always be the right thing to do.” – Brian Kim
EXPLORE | Comply or Die
Certainly, easy is the road most traveled. And that is unfortunate, in so many ways, on so many levels, for so many people.
Hence the caution from Brian Kim. If it is easy, should we be doing it? After all, “…the gate is wide and the way is easy that leads to destruction, and those who enter by it are many” (Matt. 7:13).
It’s not just that the easy way may be the wrong way–it could be ruinous.
While conformity is most often the easier road, it isn’t necessarily bad. Where would our military or sports teams be if there wasn’t some appropriate level of conformity? Being of one mind and purpose, can yield remarkable results.
But could this be the litmus test? If it is easy, or, if so many people are doing it, is it more likely to be the wrong thing? And beyond right or wrong, perhaps what’s more concerning is whether or not we go willingly.
Conform: “comply with rules, standards, or laws; (of a person) behave according to socially acceptable conventions or standards.”
The social pressure is mounting. Those of us that “conform not” do so at (increasingly) our own risk.
At the heart of Kim’s quote is that bad conformity is bad. While “…positive and creative deviance is what drives [the right] change” (Shawn Hunter, Mindscaling), the issue at hand is obvious: what are we conforming to?
There is something about “if it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t count” that rings true, especially when “fighting the good fight.” Fighting for what is right, that is, not “conforming badly”, has been made increasingly painful.
Historically, non-conformity has been viewed as an act of resistance or rebellion against what is right, or at least, what was common sense and acceptable or necessary.
What was once the norm, is now rapidly becoming the exception. And those who are “conforming badly” are no longer just insisting you join them, but are forcing compliance.
To resist isn’t futile. For to remain steadfast, is to save. Consider the lemming that stops, turns around, and starts yelling, “go back the other way!”
It would seem that not conforming may very well be salvific.
EXECUTE | Separate to Save
I floated the idea of it being a litmus test earlier, but whether or not something is easy can be telling. Isn’t it true that if “it was easy, everybody would be doing it?” No doubt the easy road is going to be crowded, which should be an obvious first sign.
As we begin to evaluate our proclivity to conform, we need to ask ourselves if we’re conforming because it was easy, or if it was right?
When considering the high cost of conformity, Shawn Hunter, knows that we are all vulnerable to conformity, and offers these points when in a group setting:
- be aware of our vulnerability to conformity
- cultivate healthy skepticism towards your own group
- be willing to disappoint people
Peter Bregman, in his Forbes article, asks the question of conformity as it relates to leadership: “If we want to lead, then the real question — for you and me — is how can we resist the pull of conformity and stand courageously in truth and right? How can we live the values that make us and our colleagues trustworthy?”
You could describe the process evaluating conformity in terms of clarity, conscious, and courage:
- Clarity. Be sure you’re clear on what you believe. And, “how resolutely are you willing to stand behind those beliefs? Are you willing to be vulnerable? To be embarrassed? To be disliked? To be fired?” If we’re going to lead, we need to take a stand, and it will mean answering yes to those types of questions.
- Conscious. This is intentionally being aware of what is surrounding you–both who and what. That is, “can you see it [the situation] for what it is?” And can you see them for who they are?
- Courage. At some point, you’re going to need to act. If what you’re observing contradicts what you value, then you’ll need the courage to take the necessary action. “To say something. To stand up to power, if that what it takes. And to do it skillfully, and with respect, so that you are most likely, not only to succeed, but also to preserve the relationships around you where possible.”
This last one — courage — is the most difficult. Difficult because it may require that we go against the groundswell forming around you. And if that kind of courage wasn’t something you were born with, it is something that you can practice.
Brian Kim offers these three tips to helps us explore how we can “resist this powerful social urge to conform”:
- Examine the motive behind not conforming. “The stronger your justification, the easier it will be to weather the social storm you’re sure to encounter from those around you.”
- Seek out those who share your views. Not just for moral support, but to help you process your thoughts, and to acquire information that could help you clarify your view. “It may seem like you feel you’re the only one who thinks and feels a certain way regarding a certain issue, but rest assured you are not alone.”
- Test yourself to validate your point of view. “There may have been extenuating circumstances, powerful emotions that might have acted as a catalyst and clouded your thinking that got you in your current situation… Be brutally honest with yourself. Is this the path you want to walk? Why?”
In the end, you may find yourself in the minority. But being the outsider, or facing a great multitude, may very well be the means by which you can be the biggest help. There are countless stories of the decision a person made to stand up, or stand out, and stand firm, were the very means by which so many were saved.
Ultimately, you may need to separate to save many.
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Further reading:
The high cost of conformity and how to avoid it
The high cost of conformity
Wikipedia: conformity
Resist, urge, conform
Photo by Erol Ahmed on Unsplash